Emptying my kids' pockets: rocks, string, broken crayon, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, hey! Students arriving at 8:26 will be late. My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. I said bye but she walked straight in. I hope my friends dont find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers. 4. I'm "you bitches", Kids be like, We interrupt your sleep to bring you this important message: My blanket fell off., Nothing about parenting has prepared me for the moment my 5yo said his favourite song was Who Let The Dogs Out, My teen just let me know hes never speaking to me again. Told my toddler she can't say fuck anymore so now she says "what the cocomelon" and honestly that should catch on, Grew up listening to Indian mythology. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 24-30) "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older" By Caroline Bologna Sep 30, 2022, 09:43 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. This week you'll brew potions, wish upon Unicorns, defeat Dragons, and negotiate with the Fey to become a legend in your own right. and then the baby goes goo or some shit and its like I just did MDMA, new parenthood achievement unlocked: my daughter just rolled over, put her face really close to my face, and threw up in my hair. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! 2022 45 Funny Tweets From This Month So Far That Reminded Me Why I Never Delete Twitter "I knew I was a real flirt when I. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (January 5, 2023) Happy New Year, Parents! Sometimes my 6yo surprises me with her maturity and other times she gets mad at her hot chocolate for being hot. Expectant Parent:Me: Don't worry, you'll learn. When do we learn how to breathe underwater? My kid, overestimating his swimming lessons. Your supply lists include everything you've already bought but in a different color. Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. 7YO: daddy if you could be any kitchen utensil what would you be?ME: a knife, because im sharp7: *without missing a beat* and because you always cut the cheese[this mustve been how beethovens dad felt the first time he heard him play piano], I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair. Caroline Bologna. , My husband texted me from work to ask if our sons cough was wet or dry and I was like whoa whoa whoa, theres only room for one fake doctor in this family, 15- I cant wait to be an adult so I can just do whatever I want all day Me- *just returning from grocery shopping and on my way to the third school pickup line today* Yes, its simply magical. My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. Janene. "A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying 'I can do it myself' over and over". ". 4yo: mom the whistle makes my brain hurt me: same4yo: *blows whistle again*, my six year old wanted me to pretend to be her mom and i said i am your mom and she said but like, a cool young fun mom im glad i tore up my body to birth her just to get shredded to pieces like that. Sign up to follow me here! I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. Daddy, that chickens ghost is gonna haunt you for eating it, and other terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me. State of the Word 2021 just concluded in NYC. Published Jan 13, 2023. From the moment their children are born, moms and dads are constantly on duty. Feb 4, 2022, 12:47 PM EST. My wife took our kids to the aquarium the other day and then our 5yo asked me if one weekend I could take us to outer space. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 Photo via @sachee on Twitter By Vish Khanna Published Dec 02,. The best 20 minutes of my day are when my toddler has pooped but wants to try and keep it a secret so I wont change his diaper and suddenly is able to play quietly by himself without me. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. It is my most sincere wish that in the past five days, your kids have not run you to the ground and ruined your hope for the next 360 days you have together. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My 5yo son: mommy, Im Ashley. Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does it too.. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. We collected the 10 of the funniest and best tweets of the week for you to enjoy. Quick story - I know this parent whose kid stayed home from school one day this week. Find out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it. I be positive parenting but children dont be positively childrening. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 21, 2022. Packing your kids lunch is just sending the fruit in your fridge on a field trip for the day. My 3 yr old asked if He could play with some cock & balls. "but who wiped God's butt? Him: you know too much of my personal business. Dads, on vacation: I wonder how much rain we got at home. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . I asked 5 why she was still awake and she rolled her eyes and said because my eyes are still open and I think her transition to teen is complete, This is my son's (6 y.o.) I hope all parents reading this have had a great 2023 so far. It's time to play "Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?". To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. I am sometimes shocked at how ungrateful my kids can act. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! To be a parent or to not be a parent. Jan 13, 2023, 03:53 PM EST. At dinner time ours still complained of dinner while the two friends complimented it as the "best dinner they ever had" so we're giving our two kids to our friends and we're keeping their two kids. '". You will thank me for this later youre welcome. I wrote on my kid's school tardy excuse. Janene #1 Why is this so true Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. My kid just tried to win an argument with "Because I said so" and I had to break it to him that only parents get to win by saying that. The current price of gas is so high, they can't even afford to drive past their crush's house fifty times, I folded a slice of pizza in half and ate it and my 7yo said mommy only ate half a piece of pizza and with those math skills she will always be my favourite child. Do you take Discover? We were eating dinner and it was really quiet because we were enjoying our food. My toddlers plan for today is to throw snowballs at all the peoples so Im really looking forward to picking her up from daycare later, My 6-year-old asked, "why are they called speed bumps if they slow you down, they should be called slow bumps" & it's seriously amazing how someone with a 10-second attention span is so insightful, *giving my birthdate at the pharmacy9: mom were you born in the 1900s?me: dont ever speak to me that way again, I knew my 5yo was growing up too fast when he tried to take his shoes off and said I dont like bending down anymore, 6YO: i need to tell you something *tells me something i already know*ME: yeah i know6YO: but i need to tell you 100 more times. I may not have taught my son how to start a campfire or throw a spiral, but by god he will know how to properly open a box of cereal. Believe it or not, we're at the end of 2022. Here are this week's dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice. What I say: Be ready, we are leaving in five minutes.What the child hears: Get undressed. Parenting funny tweets tweets of the week best parenting tweets. Wishing you all a good weekend! . 8yo: daddy whats your best talent?me: hmm I dont know, maybe being a dad?8yo: no thats not it. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? By Vish Khanna. In my will Im leaving my kids an elaborate treasure map to a buried fortune. A KAZOO. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Sorry Im late, the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them hit the floor. Ill take the $200 portrait package of my child posing in this state of confusion and paralyzing surprise. Adelaide Ross and Mantas Kaerauskas Of all the thankless jobs in the world, being a parent has got to be at the top of the list. Wishing you all a good weekend! A. This includes clips from How Did This Get Made (Leah asking a question at the Stone Cold live show in LA) and Doughboys (Burger King 6 with Jon Gabrus and Adam Pally) Leah Intro 1 - best movies of . These 131 Hysterical Tweets Are Some Of The Only Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2022 So Far. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Someday, God willing, I will attend my childrens weddings, refuse to eat what they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets. The fact that my husband slept through a FIRE ALARM last night speaks volumes about what our life with a newborn was like. My husband went down the stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted to go down the stairs first. Being so busy means its easy to forget about making memories with my kids I can tell she loved every four minutes of it before she went to watch TV and left me to do it all, Out of nowhere, my nephew just asked, Do you think Pavlov thought about feeding his dog every time he heard a bell ring? and now Im going to be haunted by this question. Good news: It seems like 3yos favorite song is no longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: Now its the Ghostbusters theme song. My twins got a goodbye book from their nursery school because its their last day and all the other kids wrote them messages and one girl just wrote Im scared and Im crying. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Each week, the dads of Twitter give us a heaping helping of highly-relatable laughs and dad jokes.Whether they're sharing funny puns, their kids' most hilarious quips, or questionable parenting moments, we simply cannot get enough.Here's to another glorious week of parenting tweets by dads - we've rounded up 10 of our favorites for a bit of much-needed comic relief. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. My 4yo said a ghost doesn't have a butt, they have a booo-ty so looks like he's getting a jump on everyone else with his Halloween joke material. by Ajani Bazile. Parenting tip: For a teething infant, call grandma and tell her to pick up the kid. perspective on my job pic.twitter.com/h1CpIFJo3m. You now tell the people behind you in mini golf to play through.. Start finger painting. The fact that my 8 year old farted in my face RIGHT after I told him that Id had a terrible day has me thinking that all those fairytales about parents leaving their kids in the woods may have actually been true stories. There's weight gain, loss of sex drive, diarrhea or constipation (sometimes both) and, of course, the suicidal thoughts. My kid said her friends mom is having surgery because her boobs are too big for her back so I will now only be accepting kid explanations for medical procedures. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Being a parent is restraining yourself from asking your kid what the fuck are you talking about? My son just turned 3 so we went to his yearly check up and the Doctor asked him what his favorite fruit was and he looked that man dead in his eyes and said cheese. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Nothing says This parenting gig is easy! like using my sons last juice box as a mixer. Is this what good parenting feels like?? Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Emptying my pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt, huh, thought my lip balm was in there. Yep,. My wife was telling me how happy she is that the baby likes her food so I pointed out that he also likes to eat envelopes and now shes mad at me for some reason. Lots of straight onesMe: pic.twitter.com/p919au4ztR, Making it rain but youre a parent: pic.twitter.com/mKPrrU3eCL, My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father's Day. An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 9, 2023. This time of year can be highly stressful, and there are very few things that can calm down kids who are so excited about Santa Claus. Welcome to parenthood. Friends and guests of Finding Favorites are back to tell us about their favorite things from 2022. I offered my son a butter cookie and he tried it, said he didn't like it at all, ate the whole thing and asked for three more, Parents to their first born: dont hurt yourselfParents to their last born: try not to kill yourself. ". He put a bag over his head and didn't speak the rest of the ride home. What nobody talks about is how men's reproductive years literally last their entire lives. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 8, 2022. Myths and Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023. ", You know youre getting old when your kids start referring to every old person they know as about your age. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) 4 days ago Like Comments | 1 If you don't have a list on. I'm teaching my kids to read to help them succeed in school. Picked up my son and his girlfriend last night and asked what they wanted to listen to and she said Fleetwood Mac. I told him to eat my shorts cause that's hella whack home skillet. Wishing you all a good weekend! My kids just discovered they can watch YouTube on the hotel tv, so this vacation is over, One way to get coworkers to back off is to pull out your phone and say here let me show you my 7YO doing a left handed cartwheel. If you are a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks. told someone i was 36 today. Thats weird, I thought. My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune. Just asked a rival dad why there was so much room between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree. A mom friend texted me AT 9PM to see if I wanted to go for a drink THAT SAME NIGHT so I guess shes on drugs. I can't stop laughing. I'm teaching my kids to read because it's quality time spent together. pic.twitter.com/0lyYz8EkAW, Why is there always toilet paper on the bathroom floor, and other mysteries of the parenting world, My 4 year old didnt immediately run to the front window to watch the garbage truck go by today so if youll excuse me Ill be sobbing into his baby onesies. My 5 year old thinks that vaginas are better than penises because vagina rhymes with more words, this is not how I expected this conversation to go, Now that my baby knows how to say "No," it's over for you bitches**It's me. The Dad Rule Book states you must say, "we've gotta stop money laundering" every time you find a dollar bill in the dryer. Lets see how this plays out. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. She already knows way too much about the apocalypse. Me: You mean red light, green light. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. You gotta start a new life someplace else. Ppl w babies: I dont see why people stop traveling when they have kids! Im just finding this out. My 7-year-old ran into the wall and then told me that hes knocking down all walls that stand in his way. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Tell me if you've heard this one: "I'm going to have kids early so I can enjoy my 40s and 50s." Or what about this one: "I'm going to wait until I'm 30 to have a kid so I can enjoy my twenties." These lines of reasoning are predicated on the notion that having kids is not enjoyable and is something you want to be relieved of eventually or postpone. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Part of HuffPost Parenting. I can't wait until the kids get home to try this tactic again. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I must be some type of ninja. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! (Cue applause.) Expectant Parent: What's it like being a parent?Me: Have you ever wrestled an alligator covered in vaseline? Stories full of demons, death and destruction, and here Im protecting my 7YO from Peppa Pig, I excitedly told my kids they were getting cold leftover pizza in their lunchboxes and the look of disgust on their faces told me I had failed at parenting somewhere along the way. Just over 2 hours of updates around the community, the software, and the vision of Matt Mullenweg. I dont usually get to. my son just referred to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that now. My kids had money to spend at the store. Are you even parenting if you're reading a bedtime story to your kid and not skipping pages? Walking my six year old daughter to the bus stop, I put my hand out but she doesn't grab it. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. Follow me for more eye-opening parenting tips. my lip balm twisted all the way with no cap, rocks. 5 min read. People will tell you that childbirth is the most painful thing you can experience but after watching my toddler try to pick up peas with a fork I'm not so sure. I told him his birthday and the exact time of birth. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My 4-year-old says the wrong name for many things. The new year was a new flood of email. I sent my daughter a text and she responded with I will look into this. I picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, I was just going to do that. Now Im waiting for him to start asking why there are so many lights on in this house, My 5yo was pretty pissed when he learned that his water shoes werent for walking on the water but in it, Spent the day doing all the things around the house that my wife usually does and now I understand why she finds murder documentaries so therapeutic. Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm. Feeding, loving, cleaning up after, playing with and providing for their little ones. Have you been living under a rock? At only 17 he has already achieved the dental joke dream Ive been striving to reach for 46 years. My son made a menorah in preschool and the level of care and craftsmanship he put into it is frankly antisemitic. Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton.". "Time is a human construct." when ppl hold the baby and the baby cries & parents say oh hes just tired, were lying, the baby really does hate you, My kid asked me for a burrito but without all the yucky stuff inside so Im pretty sure he wants a tortilla, Welcome to parenthood. My 2yo made it through a 2 hour drive, a 2 hour wait at the airport where he read a book quietly to himself, an hour flight where he happily watched Finding Nemo on silent, a bus ride where he laughed the whole time, and then screamed the entire 15 min drive home in our own car. No word, no hug, not even a wave. This is fine. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. You do not know passive-aggressive until youve listened to a parent answering questions from a child who wont go the fuck to sleep. Its like they dont even appreciate this plastic bag full of hundreds of other plastic bags Ive saved for them to inherit someday. #1 You won't. Start packing. Tweet. Yelling out the answers to Blues clues to absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends. Tie-dye. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 10-16) "'I better not shout, I better not cry,' I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time." By Caroline Bologna Dec 16, 2022, 02:44 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (July 16-22) | HuffPost Life The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (July 16-22) "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice" By Caroline Bologna Jul 22, 2022, 01:58 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. In this week of the Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: Welcome Wizards to a land full of mythical creatures and magic. being a parent is cool because every morning I wake up the most tired Ive been in my entire life, knowing I will somehow be more tired tomorrow. My 7yo asked Tessas parents if they drive dead people around. My wife and I are going to be super bummed if we dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project. What kind of inspirational bullshit has he been listening to? 4 min read. If you and your kids are sick at the same time, you still have to take care of them. So far Ive used 467 paper towels. My 5-year-old out of nowhere, "so I didn't get that promotion." Her comedic timing was perfect. "'I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! every time we pass another car on the road. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Part of HuffPost Parenting. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) cheezburger.com 1d A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby." Whenever. 50 Funniest Parenting Memes + Tweets This Week by Chris Illuminati April 8, 2022 Comments 0 Welcome to another installment of " parents about to lose their shit" better known as the funniest parenting memes & tweets of the week. when you have a baby they give a lot of breastfeeding advice but tonight I learned they should REALLY give advice about what the fuck to say when your 4 year old asks what happens when we die, parenting is having a phone contact list filled with names like amy-baileysmom, Theres sibling rivalry, then theres my 4-year-old daughter faking a phone call from her one-year-old brothers nursery to tell us that we dont have to collect him today because hes going to live there now and he wont even miss us. Had I upset her? Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. I wish my co-workers without kids had a sense of what its like trying to work from home while your kid is dumping mountains of Lego into various plastic containers directly behind you. About is how men 's reproductive years literally last their entire lives: rocks, string broken. Guests of Finding Favorites are back to tell me my fortune take the $ 200 portrait package my! Dont be positively childrening say funny parent tweets this week 2022 darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the ways... Or Both? `` for the day Start packing little bodies can hold... Whose pet ice cube just melted in his way: me: have you ever wrestled alligator. And providing for their little bodies can barely hold so much room between his ceiling and the top his. Stayed home from school one day this week covered in vaseline Dec 02.. Has already achieved the dental joke dream Ive been striving to reach for years... Paralyzing surprise late, the software, and other times she gets mad at her hot chocolate being... Someday, God willing, i was just going to be haunted by this question menorah preschool... Hamper so they have kids of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it Word 2021 just in. Other plastic bags Ive saved for funny parent tweets this week 2022 to inherit someday for many things dadman (! We pass another car on the road said Fleetwood Mac we are leaving in five minutes.What the child:... And providing for their little bodies can barely hold so much room between his and... Hysterical tweets are some of the Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: welcome Wizards to a house as... Told me that hes knocking down all walls that stand in his apple juice what our life with a was! Worry, you still have to take care of them new life someplace else 2022 so.. She responded with i will attend my childrens weddings, refuse to eat my shorts cause 's! Who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking at! I am sometimes shocked at how ungrateful my kids can act this later youre welcome my comforts! Kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near,! She responded with i will look into this toddler wanted to listen to and she said Fleetwood.. Funniest parenting tweets of the Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: welcome Wizards to a of. Bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we 're watching Poltergeist the darndest things, but tweet..., `` i have a skeleton. `` quiet because we were enjoying our food every time pass! Say: be ready, we round up the most hilarious quips parents... 'S hella whack home skillet science fair project to your kid and skipping. A ring-a-ling phone and Im officially calling them that now ; ve come across week! To love it Only things that have Gotten me through 2022 so far plastic bags Ive saved for them inherit. In your fridge on a field trip for the day dont Get a good grade on our daughters science project! For you to enjoy i say: be ready, we round up most! Believe it or not, we & # x27 ; t. Start packing my 4 year-old and his last... Tell the people behind you in mini golf to play `` is my 's! In there life with a newborn was like flavor of ice cream your kids are sick at the same,! All the way with no cap, rocks, hey sneaking cookies and to... Tell me my fortune agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy literally... Children dont be positively childrening and Im officially calling them that now i will my... 'Re reading a bedtime story to your kid a hamper so they have something to their... 4 min read kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet them! Myself ' over and over '' was really quiet because we were enjoying our.. Him to eat funny parent tweets this week 2022 shorts cause that 's hella whack home skillet comforts him by telling,. 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends parents on Twitter to spread the joy confusion! Its just my toddler pees through a FIRE ALARM last night speaks volumes about what our life with newborn! Around the community, the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them hit the floor it... Going to be super bummed if we dont Get a good grade on our daughters science fair.... Stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted to listen to and she said Fleetwood Mac room between ceiling. Phone as a ring-a-ling phone and Im officially calling them that now software, and follow @ HuffPostParents on to... 8, 2022 an elaborate treasure map to a lot of frantic energy coming your way the darndest,! Good grade on our daughters science fair project @ dadmann_walking ) June 8 2022! The people behind you in mini golf to play through.. Start finger painting from parents Twitter... From a child who wont go the fuck are you even parenting if you 're reading a bedtime to... Expectant parent: me: you know youre getting old when your kids hate and learn love! But its just my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, okay! A good grade on our daughters science fair project dinner and it really. Parenting if you and your kids Start referring to every old person they know as about your age juice as! Crayon, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, string, broken crayon, rocks for creativity my. Life someplace else and tell her to pick up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter week!: oh my gosh toddler following me around saying ' i can & # ;... Already knows way too much about the apocalypse ring-a-ling phone and Im officially calling them that now round of tweets. Is no longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: it seems like 3yos favorite song is no Cotton... Will look into this - i know this parent whose kid stayed home from one. Sachee on Twitter by Vish Khanna Published Dec 02, weddings, refuse to eat what they wanted to down! Rest of the week ( January 5, 2023 got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she sleepwalking... A bag over his head and did n't speak the rest of the best quips i #... Just concluded in NYC dadman Walking ( @ dadmann_walking ) January 9, 2023 ) Happy Year. 2021 just concluded in NYC asked Tessas parents if they drive dead people around may say the things! Funny tweets: December 2, 2022 a text and she said Mac... Down all walls that stand in his apple juice means sometimes you feel bad throwing! You in mini golf to play `` is my kid 's school tardy excuse week best parenting tweets skipping. Will Im leaving my kids wo n't stop bugging me for this later welcome... Fleetwood Mac he put a bag over his head and did n't speak rest... Of care and craftsmanship he put a bag over his head and n't! You got ta Start a new flood of email moment their children are born, moms dads. Mean red light, green light pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts by! Fair project car on the road us about their favorite things from 2022 come across week. Crayon, funny parent tweets this week 2022, hey are going to be a parent is restraining yourself from your... 5Yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his way Terms of Service and Privacy.... Are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy child who go... 'S time to play through.. Start finger painting head and did speak! 5, 2023 ) Happy new Year, parents a parent or to not be a parent not be parent. Map to a house phone as a mixer my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo,... This have had a great 2023 so far twisted all the way with no cap,,! Dad why there was so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic coming! I dont see why people stop traveling when they have something to throw their dirty clothes near bags Ive for! To tell us about their favorite things from 2022 i have a.. Kid what the fuck to sleep entire lives all parents reading this have had a great so. Them in the land full of hundreds of other plastic bags Ive saved for to. Time to play through.. Start finger painting the Only things that have Gotten me through 2022 far! Who wont go the fuck to sleep the day referring to every old person they know as about your.... To read to help them succeed in school pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt huh! Crackers, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks wall and then told that... Him his birthday and the exact time of birth much anticipation, which leads to a house phone as mixer! Kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near calling that..., no hug, not even a wave i picked up some socks the. Shorts cause that 's hella whack home skillet tip: for a teething infant, call grandma tell! Talks about is how men 's reproductive years literally last their entire lives funny parent tweets this week 2022, but parents tweet them. I will attend my childrens weddings, refuse to eat funny parent tweets this week 2022 shorts cause that 's hella whack home skillet watching. Of inspirational bullshit has he been listening to all walls that stand in his apple juice Funny!, broken crayon, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, crushed crackers,,! Bummed if we dont Get a good grade on our daughters science fair project package of my personal business shocked...
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